Rummaging through my old notebooks as I get ready to move to Japan for a third time, I found a hidden journal entry. I’ve never been one to keep my writings organized, so all my life lessons and experiences are scattered in journals, sheets of paper, napkins, and whatever else. Creativity knows no bounds : ) This piece was written during my last month in Japan as an exchange student at the age of 17. It talks about being an exchange student and my thoughts up to that point. I thought I would share it with folks, I’m glad I found it, and that the notebook has survived to this day. Without further ado, here is the unedited entry from December 12, 2003.
2003年12月12日（金）
Looking at everything I’ve learned and everything I’ve felt, I see that maybe I haven’t changed so much in person, but my mind has become so good. This was not an easy thing to do, indeed there were so many hard times and times where I just felt overwhelmed and so stressed. But you know, this experience really grew on me, and my life has changed forever and I see that once I return I will feel lost again because some really happy things [will be] missing in my life. I just get a little emotional when I think about the time when I must leave here. I have matured and already learned so much about the world that even some adults don’t know, and I’ve accomplished this all at the young age of 17. I see that people are so different in looks, but we all have the same feelings and must communicate and have our own personality. I know that the real friends I’ve made here will always be special and part of my life. I just can’t believe that you could learn so much in 10 months and that all your views of everything will change so drastically. It’s an amazing thing to do, and it’s so rewarding for your adulthood. Sure I can still be immature and go out with friends and stuff, but in my mind is something that only a certain amount of people can feel on this earth. We know what is truly important. We see that money doesn’t matter, and we learn the meaning of true loneliness and we are taught what exactly true love means. We see how so much on this earth really doesn’t matter much, and we see that you are the only one who can decide what makes you happy.
This experience has taught me the truth, and it wasn’t pretty, but it exists and will never leave, so you have to learn to accept it and live with it. You learn the meaning of true necessity, and we know the what real tolerance and acceptance means. You learn the meaning of true friends and who your real friends were back home. It is so hard to express in words everything that you’ve felt and experienced and after so much stress and endless headaches, you get used to it and then one day, they’re gone, and that’s the day you realize the way people are and that there is no difference at all. You will see how a real party is held without drugs, alcohol, or anything bad, but with these certain people who have all been through this, you will have so much fun and realize so many things. I can say that because there are not so many exchange students, it’s so difficult to understand this sometimes, but we have too many thought going at the same time in our head, and maybe we are looked down upon sometimes for being weird, but this really is something you can’t understand unless you’ve been through it yourself and then your mind will run endlessly too, and it’ll be hard to explain for you.
These nine months have had their highs and lows to the extreme, and I have felt just so happy like nothing else on this earth existed, or so sad like if you are not wanted or anything and don’t matter to anyone. Then you meet people who have been through the same thing, and that’s why you both instantly become friends, even without an introduction. It’s so hard a thing to do, but so fun and rewarding and you will feel things you never thought you could ever feel in your life. You will have learned things that nobody but us know and then you will be special too. Then again this is something you do to yourself and it’s not always so happy and not everyone is ready for it, but just know that your life will change permanently and you will learn a lot, and it’s not always fun and games. To sum up, I can just say that on this December day in 2003, my life has been changed forever and I learn true feelings that are really important and do matter. My life will never be the same, but I’ve experienced way too much to ever be able to go back to my old ways. This has been such a cool nine months, and my one month left just sounds so fun and exciting and hard to ever forget for as long as I live.
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