I woke up early today. Mainly because the weather is nice and the sun comes out early. And because I live on this island and sleep with all my windows open, it feels so much like camping. With no sounds of cars or people, with mountains outside my window as well as ocean, and with the low hum of cicadas, it feels like when I was a child and those many Labor Day weekends spent by the river.
I think about love. I think about all I've done in this life, and how this past year has changed me as well. How I've become more calm, even more comfortable with the uncertainty and chaos of life and existence itself. I've found love in my heart, and peace in my soul.
I think of all that's important to me. The things like hugging and kissing those I love, thinking about them when I feel lonely, remembering that although I'm technically only one person, I am never alone. The world is a hell of a lot smaller than we think it is, yet it is unimaginably beautiful.
Believing in reincarnation as I do, I'm still not sure what it is that I might have done in a past life that has made this life so incredibly awesome. But that doesn't really matter, it doesn't matter what it is that my soul or spirit has done before. What matters is that it has experienced life in abundance, that it has learned, and through lots of pain and suffering, it has learned to accept and to simply exist in love. Perhaps that's a lesson it takes a few of us many lifetimes to learn. I'm not sure.
What I am sure of, and it becomes more clear and certain day by day, is that I acquired my great grandma's healing power and incredible spirit. I never met her, I've barely even seen pictures of her, and the family doesn't talk about her as much as I'd like. Yet, somehow I feel her, I dream about her, I wonder about the person she was, and I can feel the love she had for her family, because I am a manifestation of that. Living proof that love can be carried on forever, and it never dies.
Something I'm really good at is listening. And I don't mean that I'm going to listen to you and tell you you're right. I mean that I'm good at really listening. I can feel people, I'm receptive to what they might be thinking on the inside, what they might be feeling. It's not uncommon for me to have conversations with people who tell me something they've never told other people, ever. When I meet someone, I try and feel them, to feel what it is they might need, even if it is left unsaid. This is a skill I've acquired from my great grandma maybe, maybe not. This willingness to feel is what I love about life, it's what I love about myself. I've spent too many years trying to block my emotions, or trying to tell myself that I could and should express them later.
Then I realized that life is a pretty short gig when looking at the overall picture. That what matters most in life, at least to me, is love. And it's about letting those you love know how much you love them, through actions. And love is so very contagious. I don't know where I get my energy and willingness to just love people unconditionally, tough as it may seem at times, but I will say that I can't imagine my life any other way. And as I take this life moment by moment, experience by experience, deep conversation by deep conversation, I begin to feel new degrees of love I never knew existed, and I grow spiritually. I sing a song to the earth and the universe, and I listen with my mind, I feel with my soul, and I love with my heart. Then everything always turns out like it should. Existence is such a wonderful thing.
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