Just visiting

I'm back in Texas for a visit for a few weeks. And it's been quite interesting.

I'm actually kind of surprised a bit by my reaction to being back in the place I called "home" for many years of my life. I'm surprised that even after (just a) year, I'm kinda already ready to go back to Japan, back to Tsushima, back to my existence of an island pressed between "Japan" and South Korea.

I've come to realize that there are many things I miss about living in Texas, but many more that I do not. It should come as no surprise to folks [maybe] that I'm quite proud of my Mexican roots. And it seems to be just that.

I grew up in El Paso, in a very Mexican kind of town, but I also grew up in Juarez, and I also grew up in a small town in El Paso called Socorro. Holidays and Christmas were full of Mexican food, and most of the conversations in my household and my community were always in Spanish. So although I was born within the political borders of the U.S.A., I was born into a very strong Mexican culture. and it's taken years to recognize and be proud of my roots and born into culture and be able to express that pride.

Because although I technically was born in the U.S., there are many aspects of "American" culture that feel so "foreign" to me. The plane ride back to Dallas was quite awkward and strange for me. It wasn't until I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family in Houston that I felt a bit more able to breathe and a bit more ok with being back in the U.S.

I write this from San Antonio. I've been to a ton of Mexican places now because I missed the food. But more than that, I missed the culture. And it wasn't strictly Mexican culture I missed, it was the bilingualism I missed. It was responding "corn" when the waiter asked if I wanted "maiz o de harina tortillas." I had missed the culture I was born into and the roots that helped mold me into who I am today; one hell of a multicultural person.

That said, I'm kinda excited about going back to my home in the Tsush, to see how these few weeks have changed me, and how they've helped me recharge, but at the same time made me realize that I want different things for myself than what existed/can exist for my life here in the U.S./Texas. And that's alright. We find happiness in the most random of places sometimes.

Yet, I'm glad that I've found peace of mind, a place to call home (for now), and the very interesting emotions and experiences I come by living on the Tsush. I'll be sure to pack a ton of Mexican ingredients in my suitcases this time, and it'll be great to be living in Japan [close to Korea] exploring my own culture and roots, developing my global citizenship, and most importantly, living for me.