I've always been a dreamer, and music usually can bring up moments of deep inspiration that can get my cogs turning like no other. So naturally, when hearing a song played for my students during their English test, I got a glimpse, a moment that I now try to put into words.
The concept of traveling I think is a bit different in my mind than for most folks perhaps. I don't ever travel just to say that I did or that I've been somewhere, I always have some sort of purpose, even if sometimes I figure that purpose out after I get there. I've been around the block, more than a few times, and in all these years I've learned a whole mess of things.
I've come to realize that dreaming is not going to be a temporary state of being for me. My head is always in the clouds. What I have learned to do though by now is to make sense of the clouds, to be able to navigate the wind and air, and to learn how to appreciate the things you can never hold on to. To indulge in all the moments for being just that: moments, and take it all in without losing yourself in the process.
Being physically distant from my close friends and family is something I'm getting used to. I love my family and the close friends I have, but they know me, and they know that I can't ever be somewhere where I don't feel useful, or somewhere where I can no longer dream.
For many folks who travel or live in other places, there is sometimes this assumption, whether it be from them or from others, that they might eventually go back. For someone like me who travels a hell of a lot, that little voice always gnawed at me for a large part of my young adult years. That's right, young adult years, I'm also growing older, and I love it.
In my mind conceptually now though, there is no "going back." Going back would mean trying to step back in time, would mean trying to hold on to those events and a past that already happened. Years have passed and will pass, and everybody changes. Those who are still in your life despite how much you all go through and change yourselves, well those my friend, are keepers.
I suppose getting a letter from a friend who's been part of my life since we met kind of helps with that realization. Despite the years and the miles and the weird time zones making it difficult to talk to each other, we're still there for each other. Still thinking of each other and how silly and stupid we can be together. And I have a very small handful of friends I know very well and vice versa. I'm glad I've taken the time to get to know them, and I'm glad they've done the same. You hit it off or you don't, but if you do, then hey, that's more than cool. I've never been a casual acquaintance kind of person.
When that song played in class, I blinked and got a surge of memories and dreams. This is common in my life, always has been. It was nice, because it included lots of smiles, lots of nature, lots of pondering, lots of love, and just general peace of mind. The being okay with existence, my own existence. That one day I'm gonna fucking die ha ha, but that when that does happen, I am more than willing to say that I have lived more than one hell of a full life. And I'm not even 30 yet ha ha.
My friends and family know I gotta do my own thing, that as much as I miss them and at times they miss me, I have to explore, I have to dream, and I have to be physically alone sometimes to gather my thoughts. Actually, I think I need a ton of alone time, but I'm glad I have folks in my life who know that and who are there when I don't want to be alone, and we just pick up where we left off. Always growing together in some way even though a huge ocean separates us.
Not sure what my life holds next, I no longer feel pressured to "do something" with my life. I've already set out and accomplished loads more than even I had ever dreamed of, so now I take the time to just be. It's a good place to be in this life of mine. And I'm never going back "home," because I've found a home in my heart and mind, full of memories and dreams, and though my physical environment can influence that greatly, I can always move things around to accommodate who I am while integrating the things and people around me. I have a home, it has a physical location in my body. I am very proud of my roots and the heritage and culture I was brought up in as well as the cultures and ways of life I have been a part of along the years. All of those experiences and memories serve to make my home within myself, to nest themselves into my being, and to help me realize that for me now, home really is where the heart is. All of that from a few seconds of a song and the blink of an eye.
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