E. Coli and Life

Went to the doc's today for a check up just to be sure my piss is good to go again, and the infection is gone or going. Yup, body is better now, turns out I had fucking E. coli. And I have no clue where the hell I could have gotten it from. This is/was a bit worrisome for someone so detail oriented as me who takes care of their body better than any temple, but I guess I'm having to learn that life throws stuff at you always, no matter how careful and contemplative you may be, you still have to move on and live it.

I'm getting older. I can feel it. Yet I don't feel defeated or morbid about this fact. On the contrary, I feel quite empowered and more stable because of it. I've learned my emotional seasons, and though I experience many different changes throughout my life, there's an essential me that lingers. The one I love and that has never abandoned me, how could it?

This whole infection scare thing was quite an awakening. My mom likes to say things probably happen for a reason, and maybe it has, I'm not sure. What I do know though is that it's time for me to experience things in a new way. A new age, literally. I'm no longer in my early 20s, but am quite proud to be moving into my last year of being 20 something.

I'm no stranger to roller coasters of emotions, and the whole catching e. coli from lord knows where definitely sent me on a nice emotional ride. Tears, pain, loneliness, asking deep questions about what's next, to feeling so numb. Funny how the body has a way of making reality real. Felt, tangible, inescapable. I'm not going to die or anything like that, and many people I'm sure have been through way worse. Yet there's nothing like being knocked down a few when you think all is good to really humble you, really make you value your time and most importantly really make you value those folks in your life who have stuck around through all your thick and thin. Despite the intense loneliness I have felt and will feel time and again, it's those folks I love and thinking about them that pulls me out of slumps. I feel like I need them just as much as they need me, maybe even more sometimes.

I've had to learn how to let shit fall where it may sometimes. As I age, I realize more and more that control is very much an illusion. so much of our lives are predetermined depending on so many things. This is not a defeatist take life as it will kind of attitude, but I like to think of it as learning to allow yourself to learn about yourself and using that knowledge to move forward, maybe even backward sometimes.

The thing I'm really proud of are my memories, my knowledge, the wisdom I've attained by grit and grime. But I'm also proud of the knowledge that came to me just because of who I was and what I was born into. The sorts of opportunities and resources I had or didn't have, they were all catered to me in a very real sense. I think I'm quite lucky to have such a huge support system, one I've worked to build and maintain again and again.

My body is changing, I'm becoming an older, perhaps wiser, version of myself. I'm no longer scared though, getting that UTI helped me realize that I am not immortal and that it's okay to say no to things if I'm not really feeling it, no matter how uncool it may seem. I can't party like I used to, nor do I want to, and late nights and booze just don't hold the same effect they used to. I'm still no prude, don't warp my words, but I am physically changing. I want to care for this wonderful temple of mine, because I've seen it time and time again what can happen when you try to maintain your crazy party years past their prime. I can thank a large family and many early deaths for not having to learn that lesson the hard way.

Priorities change when you get e. coli I guess. Or rather, they mature. I'm gonna keep loving myself, that's what I'm good at. Everything else sort of just works out like it needs to. This body of mine has been good to me, and I think I shall return the favor. One day it'll be a bag of old bones, but I want to be sure my bag carries a whole mess of stories and love before I become worm food. I wouldn't have it any other way. And now I can look back on this post years in the future to help me remember what the wonderful little microbe called e. coli taught me about me own life.