Physical Dreams

I believe that we are intrinsically connected to everything in nature, the line between who we are and what nature is does not come so clear cut to me. This includes nature as the universe, the everything within the nothing, all that is, has been, and will be (which are all the same anyway). I want to use this post to express a bit better my blessed gifted curse that is neither but simply just is. I'm talking about my intuition, but "my" is still a blurry line.

I have intense dreams and even more intense waking imagery all the time. When I wake up, I often feel like I have to contact someone, or I know what they are going through. This used to freak me out, mainly because I hadn't given up on the idea that others thoughts were private and could not affect me. Opening myself up to the idea that consciousness, at least in my experience, is a shared effort, has led me to more peace, and to more intuitive actions within my own life. I'm still not sure why or how, but I got my great grandma's gift/curse/blessing/thing and it's always been strong within me. It's only until recently that I've started talking about it openly though, because I got tired of thinking I was crazy, and I knew there was something deeper and richer about myself I had to discover.

Being Mexican, we are used to people predicting things, with a million and one sayings that delve into the intricate and intimate relationship between life and death, one in the same thing. Most Mexicans are never taught to fear death, but rather to know that your time will come, and to take it in stride, the great equalizer. This isn't unique to Mexican culture of course, but it does seem to terrify many modern folks that have lost touch with more ancient beliefs and ways of life. It was a struggle growing up in the U.S. and doctors and specialists telling you that your own culture is full of quackery and superstitions that are not useful and do more damage than good. It works for them, because they like to pretend that their thoughts are private, that their actions will only impact people around them, and that there is no way anybody could ever truly know what they are undergoing. I'm glad there isn't many people like that in my family, and that I have the support I need to not be called crazy, but to build myself instead. They are right to an extent though, there are a ton of quacks out there, usually folks who charge a ton of money for things that would seem strange to anyone. Folks who tell you there is only one way are no better than the specialists and corporations pushing their products and ideas on you. Only you can ever experience who you are, but even this is a shared experience, never a solitary one no matter how distant or stoic you are.

I often feel people who are thinking about me or I them. I know their general mood, if they are happy, troubled, or what have you. It is usually such a complex feeling that I cannot describe it into words all at once. Try to put into words how you are feeling, every single bit of your existence including your thoughts, within the next five seconds, and you see how difficult it can be to accomplish such a task. This feeling people however, does not need language immediately, and it often overrides it anyway. When I say I feel people, I literally mean that. If their back hurts, mine will hurt, and I will know who else's hurts (usually my Mom's). If I have a strange throat pain that isn't due to a cold I caught from being silly in cold weather, I will know who wants to say something, and what they are feeling. If someone is anxious and they think of me, my heart will hurt, will flutter. If they have bottled up emotions they want to share with me that gives them butterflies, I will feel that too.

When I sleep, I move into a dream land of the same caliber. I know what loved ones are doing and thinking about in their waking life. Because I tend to be more relaxed while I slumber, it is also easier to pick up on thoughts. I tend to relate to color a lot personally. Colors for me are way better at expressing things than words ever are. My dreams can also be quite complex, with many people thinking different things that influence my dreams and make it like a huge patchwork quilt, where I know which patch relates to whom, and how the quilt is connected. It's a beautiful very conscious world in my dreams. It's common for me to write to people about my dreams related to them and be spot on about whatever it is they are thinking. A shared consciousness creates one of the most beautiful movies in your dreams I could ever imagine. The best thing about all of these dreams and vivid imagery is that all of it is real, it all exists. I've learned that for me it's just like breathing. We all do it, but the ones who do it well and think about it, experience life just a tad bit differently. And I've always experienced life more than a tad bit differently.

Sometimes it is exhausting however, and I have had to learn how to be patient and remember that others emotions are for them to process. As much as I can feel them, I am only there as a friend, I cannot live their life for them. Many times, I know exactly how things will play out when the time is right, and I am usually never surprised when I hear the news of this that or the other. It's hard to be surprised when you were sort of expecting certain things to happen anyway. Been there, done that.

So where do I go from here? I don't really have an answer to that, it's a process, not an end goal kind of thing. One thing does help a lot though: dreaming, and especially sleep. To most folks the things I dream and think about would seem very uncanny, even terrifying perhaps as to how I knew that. But to me, my thoughts are very real, I have known them my whole life (maybe even longer), and they guide me as much as I experience them. Whatever we do with our existence creates meaning for us, and I'm gonna explore these dreams and thoughts and intuitions. If my gut is right, and it usually is, learning about myself will continue to pay off big time. Bigger than money, bigger than fancy dreams, and bigger than I could have ever imagined possible. This body of mine is awesome, and I may not always understand it, but I sure do trust it. With that, I experience some pretty cool stuff, am always exactly where I need to be, and I am able to connect to nature and being in ways most people think impossible or only something they can dream about. Trust your body, learn it for yourself, and the rest sort of just takes care of itself. But I know, it's easier said than done.