Happy Pride

June is Pride Month, that becomes the case more and more across the globe, and I think it's kinda neat. More than neat actually, I think it's super fuckin' cool.

Some people like to think that Pride isn't important, that why is there no such thing as a straight pride? (Despite the fact that in pretty much every place on earth, everyday is pride day). It's almost akin to asking Black folk what the big deal is about celebrating MLK Day, or why Latine people like to celebrate Cesar Chavez Day. They do it for the same reasons the queer folk do: pride.

It gives us more than a big flashy parade in pretty much every metro area in less conservative countries. It gives us a quick glance into our history and the world we're trying to create. Of course, we can't ignore the mass corporatization of pride, especially in the U.S. which makes most of us barf, or the whitewashing of Pride history. Yet for a few weeks out of the year, Pride becomes a huge worldwide phenomena that so many people participate in to just sort of be more themselves for even a few days, even a few hours. See it's fine when straight folks get all fucked up and party, that's what we call "normal," but when the queer folk do that, that's still seen as degradation to society in many many places.

Regardless, we continue to be ourselves. Even if celebrating Pride simply means you wear something rainbow, or you see a story or two, or you march or something, or you come to terms with who you are as a person. It can mean a lot of different things to different people, but one thing is very clear: the queers and trans folk exist in every niche of human society. There is no single language, tradition, geographical location, skin color, class, education level, etc. that we are all a part of. Because being queer and/or trans is dependent on extra-cultural factors, we just don't go away even when we're oppressed. Even if you somehow got rid of all the queer and trans people on the planet right now, in the next generation people are still going to have babies who are queer and/or trans. That's just the biological truth. Trying to shut down the queers, trying to vilify the trans, is only saying that you don't want to really acknowledge the beauty that is nature. It says that you still allow very modern views of sexuality and gender rule your mind, and that you likely need a bit more to go to understand why Pride can be meaningful to someone who's entire identity is classified only by the fact that they are different than straight people.

I remember living in NYC back in the day. I had just "come out" as it were, and I had moved to New York after having lived in El Paso most of my life. Even though by that time I had already lived in Japan, London, and Costa Rica, New York changed my life. I met some kick ass friends, and I discovered what it was like to live in a world where being queer or trans was really a non-issue, and what was more important was where we were all going to eat, or which club we would hit up tomorrow. None of us gave a shit if you were queer or trans, it was all about who was the baddest bitch of them all. I remember using eyeliner, and carrying a clutch around the city. Though small details, they were the most me I had ever felt in my life. I learned to explore my body, to explore the bodies of others in ways I really wanted to, not ways I thought I had to and had been taught were disgusting because two bodies with penises were doing it.

My first guy kiss was an awesome experience, and the first time I ever did anything with a male bodied person was a very hot young adult am I experienced enough to be doing these kinds of things kind of few days. Though it did not last, and quickly fell into the throes of another young love story, I remember how I felt then. I remember how real the feelings were, how heartbroken I was for the fist time, how attractive I had found him, and how despite my inexperienced self, that was one of the most yearning and passion filled few days I had ever known. Much like the first time you discover masturbation, everything after is never nearly as special as your first time.

And then it was Pride. I was in New York City, had barely came out, had made all these new queer and trans friends, and I was going to Pride, the "Pride". My mind was overwhelmed, and talk about sensory overload. It was awesome to see all types of people, all types of queer and trans folk, and all sorts of different bodies. People kissed and held hands, and they weren't ridiculed, they were celebrated. I remember being in that parade, and seeing all those cheering people waving at us, yelling all sorts of wonderful things (and of course the 10 homophobes carrying their god this that and the other signs, but they never deterred us). I remember being like, wow, all these people are just here to celebrate. They are here to celebrate being queer and to embrace what it means to be trans. All of these people are here because they don't have a problem with who they are. I knew that though the queer and trans community is many times filled with great despair and sadness, for those few days, we were not part of that. For those few marching hours it was about us. Being surrounded by all sorts of people just like me was validating. It was reassuring that I was not alone, that I did not exist in a silo, and that no matter how much society tells me they just wish people like me would disappear, it wasn't about them. It was about us.

So Pride isn't this let's shove our gayness in your face month. It isn't about the rainbow stickers, flags, and merchandise. It's about the solidarity. It's about acknowledging that we exist, not so much that we exist to show the outside world, but that we exist with each other. It isn't about pushing out the straight people (as much as they like to make everything about themselves), it's about showing each other that though our lives are fucking shit at times and we are silenced on the daily, we are still here. Nature has not and will not eradicate us. We are just as much people as every other person on the planet.

We can't just shut up and stay quiet. Doing that gets us killed. Doing that allows dark thought to filter in from society that tells us we are better off dead, doing that tells us that our opinions are only valid if heterosexual gatekeepers okay our existence first.

So if you find Pride rather flashy, rather too over the top, in some regards I'd agree with you. I hate the over-commercialization and the suddenly every business supports queer rights (but still don't talk about trans) feel that has overrun so many of the celebrations in the U.S. But if you overlook that (very hard, I know), and really get to the spirit of what Pride is actually about, you begin to realize that it is no different than a people celebrating their own culture. A culture that is still vilified, still victim to daily, hourly, secondly micro and macroaggressions, a culture that can have a huge abyss between being queer and trans.

Despite Pride's very many flaws, it's also a celebration. A time for families to get together, most of the time chosen families, and a time for reflection and celebration. For me, it's a time I remember my first guy kiss and the few nights that were the most awesome coming out of my shell and learning about myself kinds of nights. I've had a ton of rich life experiences, but Pride while living in New York City was likely one of the most pivotal. I learned how to be unapologetically my own person, how to be okay with any way that I feel even if it can be scary to allow yourself to experience yourself. I've learned how to trust my body and how to communicate pleasure and pain to others. I learned how to be less afraid, that though at times taking the risk can have dire consequences, sometimes you just have to do it anyway to learn how to be happier. I learned that sexuality, gender, and love are some of the most complex, yet some of the most human things we can ever know, and that being proud isn't about being boisterous and a showy asshole. Pride is about being comfortable in your own skin, allowing yourself to always learn who you are and who you will become, and sharing that with others. If you really think about it, Pride goes beyond just queer and trans folks, it's a lesson that will likely benefit everyone. Being empowered in who you are benefits not only you but society a million-fold. You know, I don't know if things would be different for me if I weren't queer. If I'd be less mouthy, direct, and honest. I learned how to have a sharp wit and sharper tongue ever since I was a tiny little kid, and that never left me. I just learned more about who I am, and I've learned that I am happiest when I am watching myself grow and am learning.

Pride celebrations may be something that only lasts a month or so, but being unapologetically me is a celebration I carry on for as much of the year as I can. I wish more people knew that deep sense of belonging and unity that comes from being a young queer person going to their first huge Pride. It helps you carry on in a world that tells you you'd be better off dead. It helps you carry on in a society that tells you you will always be not second, but third, fourth, fifth or further down the line than more important people. It helps when you're reminded that not only are you queer, but you are also brown and from quite a homo/transphobic culture. Those parades and flashy colors, and all those loud queer and trans people having a gay (happy) old time reminds you of what the world could look like for our species. That's why I think the idea of Pride is so cool. For a few days at least, we get to live in a very small world where we are people. A very small world where we are loved, a very small world where we aren't told we are valued, we are shown it. We get to just exist, plain and simple. And for those few moments in time, we experience what it is like to just live for ourselves.